Writing with Fresh Eyes

My favorite time to blog is when I've just heard the Lord speak to me about things for which I've been praying. I love the enthusiasm that I feel in my heart and through my fingers as I type, and I hope that what the Lord has shared with me might encourage someone else.

I look at wedding pictures of myself, and see so clearly how everything up to that point in my life was a result of how I had planned my life. I see my smile and think  you thought you had everything figured out... but I really had no idea. In middle school, I set the goal for myself to become a teacher. In moving to Florida for my education, I told my mom that I would find my husband there. And I did both of those things exactly. My life had been predetermined in my mind, and there had been few surprises. But then I graduated and got married...

In taking the step of faith back in August of 2012 to move here, we did so with absolutely no plans of our own; only vague ideas of things that could potentially happen. Being the woman with a plan, It was probably the most irrational mega-decision I've ever eagerly made. It was also the best thing I've done since marrying my Mr. Wonderful. I stand here today a woman that has seen the hand of God do things on my behalf that defy logic or what nature usually dictates. I have felt the love of Jesus change my heart and perspective so gently and beautifully. I have received peace about unresolved "things" that normally I would stew for weeks about. I have been greatly encouraged through the most discouraging situations because of the Holy Spirit's constant witness to the glory of God in my life. Was it worth the jump off the edge of "safety?"

Absolutely.

Since the day we boarded that plane for the Jewel of the Pacific, I still have no plan of my own. And (I can't believe I'm typing this, but...) I hope I never do again. When I have no plan, I see the need to run to my Father and get His Plan for my life. He promises his beloved that if I will delight in Him that He will grant me the desires of my heart (Ps. 37:4), and I can look back and see the seeds of desire that He planted in my heart.

Scribbles from Chitradurga to remember His Character

On February 26 of this year in the final weeks of living in India, I wrote in my journal , "Never do I want to live in a way that is explainable because of my own work--while I word as hard as I can with what He gives me."

This bold proclamation was a desire that the Lord planted in my heart because of the delight I found in Him. I have tasted the reward of the difficult seeking out of His will and plan, and it is far sweeter and longer lasting than any goal I have attained of my own crafting. Somehow He has given me this beautiful perspective while I'm still so young! I know I have so much more to learn and room to trust Him, but this morning He has given me fresh eyes for what He is doing around me.

As I Corinthians 2:5 says, I am so thankful that my faith does not rest in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God. I also have seen that the miracles I see in my life are an indicator of the level of faith I have in the power of God. Do I want to see impossible things happen? Or do I want to be able to rationally reason everything out because of what I have done for myself? The real question is: how much room am I giving God to move in my life?

Recently, well actually, all year--I've been praying about something that is a huge part of my daily life that I feel I have had no control over. It's not something weird or abnormal, but just something that I've been waiting to see how the Lord was going work out. It has definitely been a source of anxiety, frustration, and cause for feeling helpless for myself. Last night, as I was praying and journaling it became apparent why I felt all those things. I saw clearly that those things are feelings. BUT my faith is NOT dictated by the way I feel. My faith is dictated by who my God is. I was refreshed with the glorious picture of who my God is.

• He is my loving Father
• He is all knowing of my past, present, and future
• He is all present 
• He is all powerful
• He has plans for me to prosper
• He has a much greater desire for me to know Him and see Him move, than I could ever have for myself

It was in that picture that suddenly I had peace. Peace that this scenario would work out to prove more of His incredible love for me.

So I pray for you, dear reader, that you would receive fresh eyes to view your circumstances with Faith because of Who God is, rather than the feelings of the moment.

Cultural Treats

Life can never be called boring around here, that's for sure! In the past few months my parents have been renting out the 3rd room in the condo to a Brazilian missionary named Ricky. He has been working with a fascinating ministry on the missions base called "Uniscript," translating Hebrew into the Uniscript code while he has been here the last year or so.

To roughly sum up what that means, Uniscript, in conjunction with the University of Hawaii, has cracked the

code on the sounds every language makes and put it into written form so that anyone of any language can become literate in their language within a few weeks. For example: based on the symbol you see printed, you make a certain sound with your mouth. When the sounds are combined they make up words. They have even tested dyslexic school children in California schools and have found this to be an effective way to teach them how to read.

Ricky is a very well traveled missionary and his background is anthropological studies . He has spent time in Germany, and now after his time here in Hawaii, he is going back home to Brazil to prepare for a year in Taiwan.

As he is leaving in the next few weeks, we celebrated his culture last night by feasting on Brazilian fair. He made a creamy shrimp dish, seasoned rice with shredded carrots, pureed sweet potato (normally it would be pumpkin, but sweet potatoes were a good substitute), and garlic potato chips. He proved to be quite the "professional" cook, as he would say. 

It was absolutely delish and so fun to taste food from another culture right here at home! This is for sure something that I would try making again on my own.

Thank you, Ricky!

Man of Courage

I would like to honor the most important human in my life in this blog post. This individual just recently celebrated his 30th birthday (even though you'd never guess looking at him :). It might get a little bit sentimental and mushy, but you've been warned now, so no complaining! :-P

When someone in your life repeatedly makes decisions that show remarkable faith and trust in an unseen person while maintaining peace and confidence in life despite obvious uncertainty, it makes you stop and think about the attitudes harbored and choices you yourself make.

I've had the unique privilege and joy of living with and being married to a man just as I've described.

The man I call my husband is unparalleled in integrity and character in every part of his life. He is a true gentleman and the guardian of my heart.

Considering how blind and naive I was (or anyone else is for that matter) when I agreed to marry this man, I can clearly see how the Holy Spirit lead us directly and surely towards each other knowing how rich our lives would become when our worlds combined and took off in a new direction.

So now this boy-crush turned husband of mine now prepares to be a father. Honestly, I married him largely because of my confidence in his ability to be a good father figure (and his dashing good looks*smirk*). Somehow, he has continued to bolster my confidence in his God given ability, and I won't deny my daydreams involving him and our sweet babies.

 He is truly sublime.

Early morning birthday cards and gifts

Such a good sport wearing my makeshift paper-lei
turned crown haha

Reese's Cups Ice Cream blizzard cake
at the request of the birthday-man ;)

Preparing for Parenthood| Vol. #1: My Training in Kinder-land

I find it so interesting that God gave me a kindergarten class the year he's giving me our first child. Getting a chance to peak into the minds of 23 five and six-year olds has been the most exhilarating, frustrating, and enlightening call to beg the Lord to fill me with more of the Holy Spirit and open my eyes to His presence everywhere I go.

I've been humbled time and time again and I hit the limits of my own patience and knowledge and mentally begin pounding on the door Christ asks us to knock on when we need Him. I realized that the raw frustration I feel with my students lack of good judgement is simply a sinful anger that wells up in me because of the lack of patience I have on my own. If patience (and love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, perseverance, and self-control) is a fruit of the spirit  then shouldn't I have 24/7 access to copious amounts of this wonderful thing if the Spirit is with me always? So I pray for patience. Every. Day. And let me tell you, I feel him literally douse me with a bucket of peace and patience at the most unlikely times in our little classroom (ie: children break-dancing on the classroom rug, or one love-bug single-handedly displaying his temper by upsetting each and every chair in the room) giving me the ability to sing out directions cheerfully or quietly discuss better alternatives for behavior instead of screaming in rage and doing something really stupid..

I've been humbled when I reflect on my classroom management/discipline plans (over and over and over and over again) and realize that what these babies need is a display of unusual grace and love coming from the only adult in the room to understand why it's important to respect their neighbor. It's in those moments that I get just a glimpse of the love and grace God shows me when he lets me start afresh with each and every decision I get to make without holding my past mistakes and grievances against me.

My prayer and desire of my heart as I prepare to raise a little person of my own flesh and blood is that I would show patience, love, grace, and trust as they grow in their personal knowledge and intimacy with Jesus. I am so blessed to see how the Holy Spirit always supplies what I ask for and what I need, and blessed to have this beautiful first hand experience as I walk into motherhood.