Free

I found freedom from a mental and spiritual prison of doubt, fear, shame, and insecurity. You may have come to this blog post because of my "A Struggle with Grace" blog series--this will summarize how I was able to get free from all that junk.

I realized that I did not know where Jesus was when I was experiencing some of the hardest battles I had ever fought in my life. I realized that I had been trying to fight and heal from all kinds of issues in my own strength. Friend, we can not fight life's battles and be more than a conqueror on our own.

When I tried to do this solo, I was living with shame, doubt, anger, and hopelessness about the dreams I had wanted to see come true in my life. It was an impossible mountain to climb.

So what did I do when my eyes were opened to the truth? This is something called "conviction."--when I recognized that what I was doing was wrong.

1. Repent

Psalm 32 is such a beautiful picture of what happens when we repent. I acknowledged my sin, just like I shared in this blog. I told Jesus about my failures. 

Ps. 32:5  says, 
"I acknowledged my sin to you,
    and I did not cover my iniquity;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,”
    and you forgave the iniquity of my sin."

Sure enough, I received forgiveness IMMEDIATELY 

2. Replace

Ps. 32:7 says, 
7 You are a hiding place for me;
    you preserve me from trouble;
    you surround me with shouts of deliverance.

and v10 says

Many are the sorrows of the wicked,

    but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.

I asked God to replace the fear with his love
Replace the shame with his strength.
Replace the anxiety with his joy.

3. Receive

In order to receive it, I asked him for something special. I asked him to reveal to me where he was every time I was pregnant going though my version of trauma. He was so faithful to reveal exactly where HE was.

• With baby #1 He was sitting in the living room praying for me.
• With baby #2 He was with Jonathan, acting as our protector and provider.
• With baby #3 He was sitting on the front door step keeping anything out of our home that did not belong.

I was SOO humbled that he had shown me these beautiful pictures, and OH, THE PEACE that came! To know I had NOT been abandoned. I had been cared for beyond what I was even aware of.

With that gift, I prayed over each of my babies to impart to the the gifts I had just received.

I was free.

Jesus had done a BEAUTIFUL work in my heart, and the anxiety that used to come when I thought of a new baby was completely GONE. Jesus would be with me!

Friend, I believe you can be free of anything that has been holding you captive.There is nothing too big or complicated or even shameful that is bigger than the God I serve. He has come to set the captives free!

 Isaiah 61:1- He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed.