I find it so interesting that God gave me a kindergarten class the year he's giving me our first child. Getting a chance to peak into the minds of 23 five and six-year olds has been the most exhilarating, frustrating, and enlightening call to beg the Lord to fill me with more of the Holy Spirit and open my eyes to His presence everywhere I go.
I've been humbled time and time again and I hit the limits of my own patience and knowledge and mentally begin pounding on the door Christ asks us to knock on when we need Him. I realized that the raw frustration I feel with my students lack of good judgement is simply a sinful anger that wells up in me because of the lack of patience I have on my own. If patience (and love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, perseverance, and self-control) is a fruit of the spirit then shouldn't I have 24/7 access to copious amounts of this wonderful thing if the Spirit is with me always? So I pray for patience. Every. Day. And let me tell you, I feel him literally douse me with a bucket of peace and patience at the most unlikely times in our little classroom (ie: children break-dancing on the classroom rug, or one love-bug single-handedly displaying his temper by upsetting each and every chair in the room) giving me the ability to sing out directions cheerfully or quietly discuss better alternatives for behavior instead of screaming in rage and doing something really stupid..
I've been humbled when I reflect on my classroom management/discipline plans (over and over and over and over again) and realize that what these babies need is a display of unusual grace and love coming from the only adult in the room to understand why it's important to respect their neighbor. It's in those moments that I get just a glimpse of the love and grace God shows me when he lets me start afresh with each and every decision I get to make without holding my past mistakes and grievances against me.
My prayer and desire of my heart as I prepare to raise a little person of my own flesh and blood is that I would show patience, love, grace, and trust as they grow in their personal knowledge and intimacy with Jesus. I am so blessed to see how the Holy Spirit always supplies what I ask for and what I need, and blessed to have this beautiful first hand experience as I walk into motherhood.
I've been humbled time and time again and I hit the limits of my own patience and knowledge and mentally begin pounding on the door Christ asks us to knock on when we need Him. I realized that the raw frustration I feel with my students lack of good judgement is simply a sinful anger that wells up in me because of the lack of patience I have on my own. If patience (and love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, perseverance, and self-control) is a fruit of the spirit then shouldn't I have 24/7 access to copious amounts of this wonderful thing if the Spirit is with me always? So I pray for patience. Every. Day. And let me tell you, I feel him literally douse me with a bucket of peace and patience at the most unlikely times in our little classroom (ie: children break-dancing on the classroom rug, or one love-bug single-handedly displaying his temper by upsetting each and every chair in the room) giving me the ability to sing out directions cheerfully or quietly discuss better alternatives for behavior instead of screaming in rage and doing something really stupid..I've been humbled when I reflect on my classroom management/discipline plans (over and over and over and over again) and realize that what these babies need is a display of unusual grace and love coming from the only adult in the room to understand why it's important to respect their neighbor. It's in those moments that I get just a glimpse of the love and grace God shows me when he lets me start afresh with each and every decision I get to make without holding my past mistakes and grievances against me.
My prayer and desire of my heart as I prepare to raise a little person of my own flesh and blood is that I would show patience, love, grace, and trust as they grow in their personal knowledge and intimacy with Jesus. I am so blessed to see how the Holy Spirit always supplies what I ask for and what I need, and blessed to have this beautiful first hand experience as I walk into motherhood.
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