Not What I Planned

The weekend after the retreat was my husband’s birthday. We had a day trip planned as a family so our eldest could have a dolphin encounter at a nature center, and that gave us the perfect excuse to get out of the house and enjoy some time together. It was a BEAUTIFUL day, and I was feeling pretty “normal” again. My energy was good, and I hadn’t been nauseated in a few weeks.

We were leaving the dolphin encounter when I stopped for a quick bathroom break. “Oh!” I said when I noticed something not normal for my pregnancies. I was also slightly cramping I realized. I called my doctor before we went into a restaurant for lunch to let them know I had some super light spotting, and I was cramping. The nurse on call assured me it was normal, and to take it easy for a while.

Ultrasound taken at 8 weeks. We got to see
Valorie's  heart beat.

The next day was Sunday, so I shared what was going on with my pastor’s wife and asked her to pray for me as I was just going to take a day of bedrest as I waited for whatever was happening to stop.

I read a whole book that day. Jonathan took care of the kids, and my mom brought over a meal and prayed for the baby. When I went to bed that night, everything looked like it was clearing up and I should be able to move around more the next day. I was thankful we had weathered this little scare.

I woke up and ran to the bathroom. It was 2:30 am and something was totally off. I weighed my options. Should I call the staff on call or just go to the emergency room? I decided to check myself in. Thankfully we live about 8 minutes from the hospital, so it was a quick drive over.

It was quiet when I arrived, except for a toddler in some distress in the triage room. I silently thanked God that my kids were quietly asleep in their beds. I was immediately brought to the ob-gyn room in the ER and set up with an ultrasound.

The doctor came in soon, and confirmed that there had been a complete miscarriage. At this point, I was losing a large amount of blood, but the sweet nurse on staff comforted me providing warm blankets from my head to toe and let me know this is just part of the process and encouraged me to give myself plenty of space to heal emotionally and physically. She had experienced this same thing not too long ago.

I felt like I had a friend that night nearby.

As I waited in my quiet room for the staff to discharge me from the ER, God gave me a name for this little person. 

Valorie Grace

She had been mightily used to remind me where TRUE strength lies. I cried silent tears, letting go of my plans and expectations. My life would never be the same.