Here comes
#4! We broke the news to the kids as soon as we got the positive result on the
home test. They were absolutely stoked, Micah boldly proclaiming “I’ll change
the baby’s diaper! It’s super easy!”
That Sunday
at church, I shared with a large handful of people. I figured I may as well
beat the kids to the punch since I knew we couldn’t rely on any discretion in
that area. We were truly overjoyed.
My nausea
and 1st trimester exhaustion hit me pretty quickly; I was taking up
to 3 cat naps a day, surrounded by the kids playing just so I could muster the
energy to do the next task. I joked that was on a mission to gain as much
weight as possible from my constant napping and eating to avoid nausea.
But all this
set into depression. I started to hide. Binging shows on Netflix, taking way
too much time scrolling social media; I knew it wasn’t healthy, but I was SO
overwhelmed I reasoned. Will I ever figure this out?
Mom had
gotten me signed up for a women’s retreat on a different island. I didn’t even
have time to think about it until I was packing an hour before I went to bed for
the night.
I showed up
at the campground with my list of things I needed God to change. I was aware I
needed to be spiritually alert. I didn’t want to lose ground that meant so much
to me. So I just put it out there as an SOS asking God to please spare me from
whatever depression I was dealing with.
 |
| 12 weeks pregnant with our 4th little blessing |
Not 2 hours
into the official retreat schedule, I was a puddle of tears. The speaker I had
chosen in a break out session, Chrissy, had nailed my issue square on. The
basics are always the first things to go, and here I was embellishing and
complaining to God about everything on my plate. I repented that afternoon,
“God, forgive me for leaving you out. Jesus, please remind me to reach to you
when I feel weak.” My table was clear, and I knew he was going to reset it with
the things I really needed.
- I HAVE to start my day with his word. It’s as important as a night of sleep. A day started without this “bread” is straight up trouble. I’ve seen how grumpy and impatient I can be on my own.
- He prodded me to share my story. My brokenness. The incomplete parts of myself that I personally witness him fill in. “We can let him use the story we have for his glory, or we can keep it to ourselves,” is what another speaker shared that weekend. This is honestly why I'm blogging again...
Those 2 themes kept surfacing in the 9 or 10 sessions I
attended listening to various speakers.
Ok, I know what I need
to do now, God…
I had my reset, and I felt absolutely refreshed, ready for
the rest of this pregnancy.
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